The Holiday

Wow, I don't know if it was just the right time but I actually enjoyed watching The Holiday. It made me laugh, smile and of course, it made me cry too (which was quite expected). I thought about seeing this in theater but I was not really a fan of anyone so I did not push for it. Oh well, I like all the main casts and even the other casts in the movie. Jude Law was such a charmer in this movie and the way he looked and stared would melt any woman's heart. Awww, I did not really like him before but I guess I do now. I was actually surprised too that I was fond of watching Jack Black and Kate Winslet (those two were the reason why I didn't see this in the theater actually) but they proved me wrong. Cameron Diaz, she never fails me in all her movies. It's so fun watching her on whatever role she portrays. I must say she's my fave actress now. I love the two kids, Sophia and Olivia. I also like the old man, Arthur.

I've got a lot of thinking, realization and imagination in between while watching this. I realized too that we will all be old in some point in our lives, we would all go back to being simple, and being appreciated and a smallest show of care mean a lot. I actually want to talk and be a friend to old people after watching this. There's a lot of wisdom to get from them and I think it will make me appreciate life more. Come to think of it, that was how I felt when I checked out YMCA two weeks ago and had a short talk with an old guy who has been working out there for over 35 years. I really want to explore my community and meet and befriend all sorts of people.


The movie just really covered the holiday season but there's a lot of lessons in life that you will realize. I love it. I recommed you guys to watch it. I figured I should go alone somewhere far this holiday and be a complete stranger there. It must be a nice adventure to get to know more of myself too than just being an adopted member to a friend's family.

Work, Work and Work

Work, work and work... that's what I do and still plan to do. Focus on my career and keep learning. :)

Coldstone

Wow, I'm craving for Coldstone but too bad, it's no longer open at this time. Maybe, that's even better coz I don't think ice cream is good for me at this time of the night.

Oh well, this is just another weird and funny thought... relating cold stone sizes to relationship. Maybe relationship has these 3 stages: Like it, Love it and Gotta Have it. I need not explain this coz I'm too tired to write but you guys should figure it out :) I will be someone's Gotta Have It at the right time!

Head to Head

Just like in texas hold'em poker, at head to head, I lost. My chips were much taller than my opponent's but I couldn't bluff and at the end, all the bad hands got me. The bet was kinda high. I wanted to take my fortune back but I could not manage having a straight face.

Up and Down

Sometimes I feel up already and other times, I feel down again. Work is not helping me these past few days. It's hard to move on with my tasks... I get emotional when my superior raises his voice.. and the AC being broken for more than a week now is killing me. So freaking hot and it's affecting my mood. I easily get irritated. Just when I thought I was making a good progress already, situations still put me down.

I don't know also what I want. I really need to regain my trust in myself. I'm wounded and I feel like I'm scared to get more wounds. I feel like I should just be happy being single. Talking to another man and him telling that 80% of the men are bad, dang, how would I know if I could still get a man from the 20% the next time I fall again. It's kinda tiring already. Maybe, relationship is not for me. There were a lot of good times but the feeling that you're not only losing the relationship but also a good friend is such a shitty one. Why does thing have to be complicated? Why can't I just be happy, stay happy, seize the day and not think of possible problems?

I'm sorry if my posts lately are mixtures of good and bad. I'm afraid it might be like this for a while until I get used to this state again. Again I'm just being human.

Lost Dog

I took a 40-minute brisk walking around my area. When I was going home, I saw the sign "Lost Dog." The type of dog, the color, the size and all important descriptions were on the sign. The first thing I thought of after reading that was if I get lost, would somebody look for me like that when nobody really owns me? Second thought that came to my mind was that how come when your dog gets lost, you can look, find and get him back but when your ex-boyfriend gets lost, you can't just find him and get him back? Funny thoughts but they are true.

My Meantime Goals

People think of goals in their lives and plan so far ahead but right now, my meantime goals are to be able to go home next year, be with family and friends that I miss so much and explore the Philippines, Thailand and maybe Hongkong again or Singapore. I hope I can reach these. These are all dependent on me getting my long much awaited green card.

Blog, Blog, Blog

Writing is a relief for me and blogging is even better. I looked back on my archives and I feel great. It was also at this time last year that I started this blog. Despite the challenges I experienced and are still experiencing, I can definitely say that I have learned a lot and enjoyed so much too. My entries are mixtures of all my different emotions and thoughts.

I think I am beginning to love myself more and as I've said before, I can only be hurt but never be broken. There's always time to shine, to laugh, to love, to learn, to cry, to mourn, to sob, to feel or just to be human. :) Afterall, this is the beauty of life!

Short Hair

I can't remember the last time I had short hair but I guess it's time for that now. Just in time for summer... just in time to face life's new challenges... or just because.

It Ain't Easy as You Guys Back Home Think

This one I want to dedicate to the Filipinos back home who think that living in the States and being financially well off is so easy. Look at this site http://www.prosper.com and see how people can get creative in lending and borrowing money.

I think most OFWs here are be able to send out money to the Philippines because they live with their relatives and not having to pay rent is really such a big help and what you save for doing that is a big money back home. Oh well, I like my independence. Even if I had a relative here, I would rather do things on my own. It may get lonely at times but I think it's so worth it.

One Fine Night

I think I'm getting better. I'm actually amazed on how mature I'm taking this tonight. I realized that I don't want to dwell on how sad this is but focus on the new beginning out there again.

He is still a nice guy and I don't ever want to remember us parting or him as something so sad and bad. So, we had a good dinner and talked about happy and exciting stuff. It was actually a good time. I know it sounds weird but it's true. Like I've said we never really had big fights and didn't really have complaints about each other so I don't think we should end it up hating each other like how couples normally do it. We both need to grow and explore the world since we both do not want to think of or are ready of our future together. After all, everything is just a matter of getting used to and knowing more not only about yourself but also what's around you.

I think I'm fine now. I actually understand what he's going through and I don't want to be the selfish person who only thinks of the hurt, what I think I want or will make me happy right now. People might think my views right now are weird but I like them. :)

I should focus more on regaining my confidence back, knowing and loving myself.

Another Day

I’m still feeling lost. Questions keep running around in circles. I want to assess what is happening to my life and yet, I can’t comprehend it right now. My emotions are ruling me. I can not help not to feel hurt, unworthy and unloved.

I know in times like this, I should try to love myself more. Acknowledge my mistakes but realize the lessons I have learned and be prepared to whatever future is awaiting for me.

It’s hard to let go of someone you love. I’ve been there and done that but when you fall again, the hurts of past loves keep coming back in addition to the recent love that you have to let go. I wonder what is wrong with me. I wonder why it doesn’t work out for me. I envy the people around me who are blessed with so much love, contentment and happiness in life.

I know if I could stop the time, I would feel better. Most of my age have a family or starting a family but here I am, back to square one and nearing the big 30. It hurts and it sucks but this is the reality.

I’ve said to myself already after my very first break up that the next time I enter a relationship, I should consider the risk of losing it and getting hurt again and not think about the rest of our lives together. Oh well, thinking about it and actually experiencing it are really different. I’m human and I have emotions. I value the person so much too and I made him enter my life so I guess, it is really going to hurt.

Friends and family may be there to help me get through this but everything else is dependent on me. I should just treasure the good times and move on with my life. Find my happiness to what I have right now and strive to get the things that I want to have in the future. It’s not easy but I know I’ll get there.

YOU CAN DO IT NATHALIE. YOU WERE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THIS BEFORE SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE NOW. YOU WIN SOME AND YOU LOSE SOME AND THERE’S ALWAYS HOPE TO WIN AGAIN. IN DUE TIME, SOMEONE WILL COME AGAIN, WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE AND WILL STAY FOR GOOD.

Converse I Love

One thing that I greatly appreciate in the States is that I can go to work with jeans and sneakers any day of the week. I love shoes... I love sneakers... and I love CONVERSE the most. I know I don't need a lot of those but I can't help myself at times especially when I see great deals.