Another Day

I’m still feeling lost. Questions keep running around in circles. I want to assess what is happening to my life and yet, I can’t comprehend it right now. My emotions are ruling me. I can not help not to feel hurt, unworthy and unloved.

I know in times like this, I should try to love myself more. Acknowledge my mistakes but realize the lessons I have learned and be prepared to whatever future is awaiting for me.

It’s hard to let go of someone you love. I’ve been there and done that but when you fall again, the hurts of past loves keep coming back in addition to the recent love that you have to let go. I wonder what is wrong with me. I wonder why it doesn’t work out for me. I envy the people around me who are blessed with so much love, contentment and happiness in life.

I know if I could stop the time, I would feel better. Most of my age have a family or starting a family but here I am, back to square one and nearing the big 30. It hurts and it sucks but this is the reality.

I’ve said to myself already after my very first break up that the next time I enter a relationship, I should consider the risk of losing it and getting hurt again and not think about the rest of our lives together. Oh well, thinking about it and actually experiencing it are really different. I’m human and I have emotions. I value the person so much too and I made him enter my life so I guess, it is really going to hurt.

Friends and family may be there to help me get through this but everything else is dependent on me. I should just treasure the good times and move on with my life. Find my happiness to what I have right now and strive to get the things that I want to have in the future. It’s not easy but I know I’ll get there.

YOU CAN DO IT NATHALIE. YOU WERE ABLE TO GET THROUGH THIS BEFORE SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE NOW. YOU WIN SOME AND YOU LOSE SOME AND THERE’S ALWAYS HOPE TO WIN AGAIN. IN DUE TIME, SOMEONE WILL COME AGAIN, WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE AND WILL STAY FOR GOOD.