It's almost weekend

It's time for a break. It's Labor Day weekend and just like last year, I am headed to San Francisco but this time with different group of people. Actually, this will be my first time to spend an out of town trip with Totoy Gatas and I will meet most of his friends, as well as their girlfriends, for the first time too. I'm kinda excited about it but I am also shy since I haven't been in this situation for a long time now. Come to think of it, I haven't really been in this kind of situation since these are mixed nationalities I will be spending time with. It's amazing though that all his roommates are dating Asians too (2 Filipinos and 1 Indonesian). We are also meeting his Filipino guy friend in Oakland. Damn, Asians meet the Whites or vice versa kind of thing. I'm still different coz this is the first I will be hanging out with them and I'm the only Filipino who was not really raised here. Matt even said that he knows more Filipino words more than they know.

I'm sure this trip is going to be fun. No work to think about for him that he normally does even on weekends. I hope we will eat at PPQ and the newly open Gerry's Grill in Union City. Damn, whatever happens, I will try my very best to make him or them go there with me. PPQ is to die for! The best crab I ever tasted so far in the States and the price is very reasonable. Oh well, Gerry's Grill is an all time fave for sisig back home. I hope it tastes like how Gerry's Grill back home tastes or probably even better since my taste buds for Filipino food changed here already. I'm not so picky about it and most of the Filipino food here tastes really good to me since I seldom have one.

Matt said we do not have really set plans on where to go and what to do in SF. The only set one is that we have to watch his roommate's show on Sunday night. Since he didn't make plans or he didn't have the time to make those, I've been thinking about things to do. Of course, when they're Nats's plans, they involve eating, eating and eating more.... hahaha. He better prepares for these. Food really makes me happy. Just checking the addresses and sites of the places I want to go to eat makes me so so hungry. Hahaha, eating is really one of my simple joys in life. I can never go wrong with food. :) Check these two URLs www.gerrysgrill.com/us/index.php, www.ppqdungeness.com/photo.htm and you'll definitely agree with me.

Damn, I almost forgot that it's only Friday tomorrow and I still have to go to work. Gotta pack stuff for SF trip now and switch on my work mode tomorrow morning BUT... it feels like weekend already! I can even smell the aroma of the sisig and see the chicharon on top of it... Oh and the crab with garlic all over plus the garlic noodles,what a perfect combination!

Suckers!!!

My Health Insurance really sucks! Oh well, my coworkers have been saying this to me but I didn't want to believe them until it finally happened to me. I went for a doctor's visit today and there was a copay of $35 if you have insurance coverage but this Blue Cross PPO 2400 only covers insurance once you exceed spending $2400 out of your pocket in one year period. So, I ended up paying the regular $175 doctor's visit plus the copay of $35. Damn, I even paid more than what a person without insurance will pay. I also had some lab tests that were again not covered by the insurance and I will get billed for later on.

Imagine, how this insurance company earns? I'm so sure most people with this kind of plan will not exceed the $2,400 in a year so definitely, most are paying out of their own pockets, plus the additional copay. Suckers!!!!

Honestly, what I spent on Dental and Doctor's visits here are more than enough to cover my plane fare going home and doing all these tests and procedures that they did to me. I might even have money left for shopping. Damn! So, who says living in the States is easy? I should have taken medicine or dentistry back home and back then.

Kakaibang Pakiramdam at Pagsusulat

Kapag nalulungkot ako dito sa Amerika, napapaisip ako kung tama ba na nandito ako? Kung natutumbasan ba ng mga karanasan at biyayang natatanggap ko dito ang anumang wala dito? Ang hirap minsan, lalo na kasi ang dami talagang pagsubok na dumarating dito. Di mo nga mahuhulaan kung ano ang mangyayari bukas?

Ah ewan, siguro magulo lang ang takbo ng utak ko ngayon. Kasi bukod sa kapag Lunes tambak ang trabaho ko ay ang pinakamatalik kong kaibigan sa trabaho ay may sama pala ng loob sa akin. Grabe, ang hirap pala na kayo lang dalawa sa kwarto sa opisina na walang imikan at nung mag-imikan kayo ay nanggagalaite pa siya sa galit at wala akong kamuang-muang na ganoon katindi sa kanya ang aking nagawa. Hindi naman ito tungkol sa trabaho kungdi sa aming personal na relasyon na siyempre nakakaapekto sa pagpasok at pagtratrabaho namin sa opisina. Haay, sana naman maayos na at sana patawarin na niya ako sa kung ano man sa tingin niya na nagpasama ng kanyang loob. Siguro nga kapag malalim na ang pagkakaibigan, mahirap din kapag nagkaroon ng hindi pagkakaunawaan. Minsan naisip ko, mas madaling makisalamuha sa mga lalaking kaibigan. Wala masyadong sama ng loob, simple lang at walang drama.

Siguro ngayon alam niyo na kung bakit naisipan kong magsulat ng Tagalog kahit na hirap na hirap na kong isipin ang mga tamang salita sa aking pagsusulat, hahaha. Bukod sa sakaling mabasa niya ito ay hindi nya maiintindihan, ay sa kadahilanang sobrang nananabik ako sa Pilipinas at sa mga taong mahahalaga sa akin doon.

Kahapon nga, tinagpo ko sa paliparan ang aking kaibigan dito na pauwi ng Pilipinas at talaga naman kakaibang negatibong pakiramdam ang aking nadama. Sana ganon lang kadali umuwi at makapiling ang mga taong malapit sa iyo sa Pilipinas.

Tapos nakatanggap pa ko ng sulat sa aking lalaking pinakamatalik na kaibigan sa bangkong aking pinagtrabuhan noon na ikakasal na siya sa Enero 2007. Sobrang masaya ko para sa kanya pero siyempre, nakakalungkot na alam ko na di ako makakadalo sa kanyang mahalagang araw na isang beses lang madalas mangyari sa isang tao. Haay naku, pero ano ba naman ang bago dito? Kinasal nga yung babaeng pinakamatalik kong kaibigan nitong Mayo at gusto niya akong kunin na "maid of honor" pero siyempre hindi naman ako nakadalo. Maraming mga susunod na ikakasal sa mga kaibigan ko doon pero malamang lahat yon ay hindi ako makakadaluhan. Sana naman sa kasal man lang ng aking kuya na nararamdaman kong malapit-lapit na din ay makapunta ako.

Siguro, hindi ko araw ngayon. Kasi puro panghihinayang ang naiisip ko at kalungkutan sa sitwasyong kinatatayuan ko. Minsan, mahirap talagang maging banyaga at malayo sa lupang kinamulatan ko. Sana lahat nito ay may kapalit na maganda balang araw.

Our Kind of Fun

Our Filipino group is getting smaller. We seldom see each other too but everytime we do, it's always fun. Having a simple but big meal and dessert, chatting and picture taking are what we all love to do. Hmmm... I wish we all live a bit closer to one another.

Planning101

Last Friday, he asked me what do I want to be and what do I like doing in the future. I was having a bad week that time and I was shocked and couldn't really think. My answers were so general like I want to have a business of my own. Of course, he was trying to get specifics like what business I want and how do I plan to achieve that. Damn, I couldn't think straight. I said I know I want to have a restaurant or a clothing business but I have not really thought about the specifics of any of those. Of course, I asked him the same question and he was pretty clear on what he wants and how he can achieve it.

Today, we had lunch together. I was talking about how burned out I am and that I need a vacation. He said maybe, he can take a vacation with me and can check his schedule. So, I kinda got excited about it that he can have the time to go out and can even have at least a weekend get away from LA. Then he said but that will be expensive and I have to save. He said he figured that if he can increase his savings then he can probably buy a house in two years instead of his plan of getting it in three years. Again, he raised the questions to me, like what is my goal and plan. Do I plan to buy a house too and when? Omg, I was speechless. Everytime, I got these questions, I said that... I need to get my greencard first. Then he asked again like when will I get it? I don't know.... and I went on trying to escape his questions. Then he said that I should make plan now than wait for years to get my greencard and make a plan after that. He was even counting like how much I plan and save each month and giving me all the pointers.

Alright, I know he's right and his pointers are good. I must admit that even if I was pressured by his questions last Friday, I think he helped me get the motivation that I needed to get the work that was giving me a big headache that week, done. Although today, I felt really bad that I could not even concentrate on my work. I felt like questioning myself like... Am I really doing bad? and am I like a person without plan? I know when I was younger, I just thought too much. My boyfriend at that time was even asking me like why was I like that. Why did I have to have all these plans and he told me that I should not worry so much and enjoy my life. He also made me believe that we should be planning together and include each other in our plans and so we did that. So, I guess when that relationship failed , all my plans were shattered too. It was tough but I learned a lot.

After all the questions I had for myself today, I realized things. I'm a person who usually has plans and I even accomplished a lot of my plans in a matter of a year. I started here like working really crazy and seven days a week with a really low pay. I'm telling you I was doing way better in the Philippines as compared to my situation 1 1/2 years ago and back home, I could even afford to rent a studio apartment, to have my clothes washed and ironed (not by my family's helper but the laundry services), to have at least a massage and hot oil hair treatment once a month, to have a gym membership, to go have fun with friends even every night, to go shopping twice a month and to give my mom her monthly allowance. So, I said to myself that I should have that as a standard and I should prove to myself that I could have a good paying job in the States even if I'm just in H1B (that most companies here take advantage of and even try to pay less than the industry). I was able to do that and I got the job that would make me stay here and declined the offer that I had in Malaysia (which was a pretty good deal too... they were going to pay for my apartment there and would even give me one free round trip ticket every year to visit home). After 3 months of getting the job that I wanted here, I moved to renting my own room in a better area as to sharing a room with someone. 3 months after that, I got a brand new car (something that I never had in the Philippines since I did not really feel that I had a need for it there). 3 months after that again, I moved and rented my own studio apartment in a good area and not even a mile away from work. So, I do make plans and try my best to accomplish them. I think, I'm doing pretty good as compared to the other foreigners who are here too. He even said that I'm a cut above the rest and that I'm even doing better as compared to the average Americans here.

Oh well, I realized I should not really feel bad. Right now, I have not really made concrete plans, and I'm taking a break from all the hardships that I experienced here and I'm trying to enjoy the fruit of my labor. This is the only year that I can go out, watch a movie every week again, eat good food, shop the clothes and stuff that I want, build friendship with people, send my family the stuff that they want and find happiness in a place so far away from home and friends that I value a lot. This is part of my plans too but I think about my future as well. I try to save as much as I can but without really sacrificing my happiness. One definite plan I have is that there is no way I am going to be dependent to another person in order to survive. Wherever I go, I will have a good life and definitely I should be able to provide for myself and the family that I will eventually build.

Another realization I have is that he is really different from the other men I knew. Normally these questions would come from a woman talking to her man. I must say he is challenging me to focus on my plans and on ways to achieve them. Damn Milkboy, hahahaha! :)

????****duh????ZZZZZZ....

I need a vacation. I feel so tired and burned out from work. Last Friday, I was ready to collapse coz of a really busy and crazy week. I hope this week turns out good.

My mind is going crazy tonight... a lot of thoughts going on. It has a mind of its own, that's why it's called a mind.... hahahaha. See how weird it is? Oh well, it has mixed thoughts... part of it misses home, part of it is saying how tough I am now and how I am fine just being alone, part of it's feeling lazy and wants to procrastinate, part of it says that I am just wasting my time now writing, surfing the net and not doing much, part of it is telling me that it can control my emotions now, part of it thinks of Matt, part of it wants to take a break and go elsewhere and part of it is telling me that I have to stop coz it can get on and on and on and on and on with whatever stuff!

I have changed a lot. My mind rules me now but I guess I have to let my heart lead once in a while coz my mind gets tired too.

I have to sleep coz I'm not making sense anymore.

Bored "ME"

I got bored last Wednesday night and took pictures of myself while making different faces. I guess, I can't make a lot of different looks but I was quite pretty good that night in my picture taking, hahaha. :)

Sometimes, I get a little vain too coz I am woman and that night and tonight are part of those "sometimes." The things you do when you're living on your own and so far away from home.

Missing HSBC Friends

Finally, I was able to open the album that Maris shared to me. She is my closest friend in HSBC. HSBC Hongkong hired her and so she's moving there. She wrote me how much she's missing her friends and family already with just the thought that she will be away soon. She said she can relate to my situation though it's easier for her to go back home. Damn, just looking at the pics makes me realize again how much I miss them and how much we've shared together. No matter where I go, I still consider my HSBC group as the best. I bonded so much with this group be it with the women or with the men. I miss them so badly that I'm even closed to tears right now.







Why is it so hard for me to find a large group here that can have the same intensity of that group? Why do I have few friends here? Why do friends here just come and go? And why is it more often than not that the ones who leave here are hard to replace? Why are there times that I feel like going out but can't think of the group who is readily available and that I want to go out with? Why do friends here seldom meet as compared to how friends meet back home? Why do I have a lot questions? And why do I have more questions if ever I continue to think of this?






I guess, I have to stop now and just be happy... that even if those friends are so far away from me, we remain special to one another. The memories that we shared can never be erased and will always remain in our hearts no matter where we go. I'm so glad for the technology that we have now... communication is never a problem and we can always capture the moments.

HSBC is the best and nothing beats that!