Doubtful but Wishful Thinking

It seems like this is the marriage season for most people I know. My bestfriend got married last May and too bad I couldn't even make it coz it was too far, Philippines. One of the first good friends that I had in my first work got married last April and good thing that I was able to attend it. One of my groupie in the bank got married this year too and I have two friends who just got engaged and will marry next year. My best guy friend is also planning to get married next year. Oh and just today, I heard that the first guy I dated here in the States is soon getting married and there's an engagement party this June. I'm so over that guy but somehow it still makes me wonder like how some people can change others, especially their views. I just thought that when we separated ways, he was so far away in going to that direction and besides, they really didn't start in a serious one and they just recently admitted that they are actually together. Oh well, it's not really about them but it's just this question, "When will you really know that this person is the one?"
I guess, my idea about love and marriage is just jaded right now. I've been burned several times and I see divorce and break ups to even the closest people that I have. My parents' marriage was not succesful either. It happened in my teen years and it really had a great effect on me. My first relationship was for 4 1/2 years and it was so close to marriage but it still didn't happen. The second and third boyfriends that I had were talking about this thing even in the earliest stage and both relationships did not even last for a year. For me, those words were just BS, they said those things just to make me fall for them and be the best girlfriend that I could ever be. The worst part of the situation is after hurting you and so, most of them would come to you to tell you how stupid they were for leaving you and not fighting for their love which is another BS. I know these situations made me stronger and after being burned so many times and having challenges in other aspects of my life, I can endure any pains now and the tears will go away. The sad part about that is that I am now careful and I hold back to what I am feeling. I don't want to have so much emotional attachment with someone to avoid being hurt. My views about commitment is different now too and I feel like it can start a problem and it can be a responsibility. My feelings are not as hard as a stone and I like someone too right now but I'm not sure if this can lead to something serious. I hope about that too but somehow, I'm scared. I have a lot of what ifs and maybes. I do not even know what love is. I feel like in the country that I grew up, it's so easy to say I love you to someone but I also wonder if the people there know what it truly means. I even had doubts if I loved the last two guys that I cried for and made sacrifices for. Oh well, maybe, in time, I will have a clearer view of things. I think every one of us wants to settle and be with that someone we love and it is just a matter of time. I hope that there will come a time that I will not doubt and all these confusions I have about loving will vanish and will make me fall again. Honestly, I admire these people who are getting married or who got married and somehow I wish I can just be one of these people who have found happiness in this aspect of their lives.